is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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