We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
