Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
