Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
