I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
