Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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