6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
