i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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