I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
