This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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