if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
