i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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