You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
