I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
