The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
