i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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