My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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