I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
