so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
