At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
