Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
