I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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