so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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