I puked a lego.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
