dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had to cum in my sink.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
