Just fell off a train. Bad.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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