sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
