he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
