You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
