i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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