I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a hot homeless man
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
