I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
