Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
