My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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