I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Randomize