I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You smell like stripper and shame
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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