just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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