Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
