highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
