Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
