is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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