Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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