No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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