Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
