Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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