Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
