what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Randomize
