is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
