some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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