Betty ford says i'm here all night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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