she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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