if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
