also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
