I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
