The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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