I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
