ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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