well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
