I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
