you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
