@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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