that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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